The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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