apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
