you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
