Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I DEMAND FORESKIN
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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