Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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