I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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