i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
