I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Even my vagina gasped.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
