Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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