Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
whose ass print is on the piano?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
