so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
