failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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