"it" just moved
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
