I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
