how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
