Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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