We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize