I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So much rum. So many feels.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
