My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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