wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
A+ Viking dick
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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