Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My apartment stinks of burning failure
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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