do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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