why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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