i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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