you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
