Buhtt sex?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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