Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize