you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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