Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
