Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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