Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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