Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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