my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
