Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize