I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
