So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
