You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
