Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
