I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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