and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
