I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
