Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have post one night stand depression
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
