Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Drunk is not a location!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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