I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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