listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
