you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
