i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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