when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
