she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This baby is an asshole
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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