Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
