are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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