why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
