vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
