im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
