Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
