the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
