Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The air taste purple.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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