I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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