OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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