She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she told me i tasted like america
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
