Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
