just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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