Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
