What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
