You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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