Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
