If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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