I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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