Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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