i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
