In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
