Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
