just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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