I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Pooping to opera.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
