Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
