I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
